[She shifts as close as she can and the tight pull has her wrapped around him with her lips buried against his shoulder. Her words are a little muffled, but clear enough.]
He's still there, still on the list. We leave notes, messages, just in case. Always, even if they're half finished. Nothing. There's nothing and I can't. I can't sleep in that bed. I can't do it.
Hm, then I think he's lost his bracelet and gone grey...
[The daft man probably misplaced it somewhere. Well, that's better than having disappeared. Sort of. As long as they get the bracelet back to him in time.
His palm brushes over her back and he tries to sooth her with little shushing sounds as he holds her.]
We'll find him. There are too many of us for one of us not to come across him. Just get some sleep. I don't mind. This bed has been far too empty for too long anyway.
Lost his-- [Oh, why would he ever? Hadn't they been warned about tinkering with that?] I suppose I ought to add missing bracelet to my list of what to look for.
[She lets out a breath and realizes he's right. Independent of her ability to sleep or her own worry, someone, if not Ril herself, would find Six. She functions so much better when someone is with her. The soothing works well enough and she settles, letting her own exhaustion and Eight's warmth pull her down.]
Don't mind staying. Is no good when there's too much space.
Probably. Even if he's not with it, he'll need it returned to him so the grey sickness will go away.
[There's a twinge of pain at her words and he nods, fingers reaching up to thread gently through her hair. He clears his throat, using it to try to hide the catch in his voice.]
[Her fingers touch his hair and his cheek wordlessly as she lets out a soft hum of a response. It helps, the way he touches her hair, and when she stills, it's because she's fallen into a light dose, and is slowly warming against his chest, tucked in and wound around him.]
[He continues stroking her hair until she's fully resting, keeping her tucked against him, warm and safe.
Eight settles into his pillow for a while, but despite the presence of another person in his bed, he finds himself with the same raw, painful thoughts that plague him most every night, which he holds off until he's sure everyone has gone to bed and won't hear him.
The ache of feeling another body climbing into his bed and not waking up to Charley's smile had been pushed down for as long as he could hold it, and now in the silence that hangs heavily in the room leaves no distraction. He does his best to try to keep his crying quiet. She isn't coming back. She's gone forever, and he just has to get used to the idea. If only it would stop leaving him feeling hollow inside.]
[No matter how quiet he is, he can't keep her from hearing it. It creeps into an exhausted dream and Ril stirs, instantly curling herself around him, not at all awake. Her words are Antedan, soft, gentle things, as she buries herself against him, finally awake.
She doesn't ask and doesn't tell him it'll be fine because that's not the way it works. You don't just get over someone like Charley, you can't. You have to live with it, breathe with the ache of it, survive it every day. And she can't help trembling herself as she smooths a hand over his hair.]
[Without his TARDIS working like she's supposed to, he doesn't understand the words, but the meaning is crystal clear. He can't hide his tears; she's heard him by now and right now he can no more stop than he can convince the sun to rise right this very moment.
And so, he lets himself crumble completely, for the first time since he got back from Utgard, his arms wrapping completely around Ril, his face burying in the curve of her neck as he weeps brokenly.]
[She murmurs and then can't not cry with him. There's so little she can do except hold him and brush her fingers through his hair and not let him go. It doesn't matter right now if Six is grey, it doesn't matter that the shifting about has made her cold again, or that her hair has tangled around the back.
She presses her lips wherever she can and rocks him ever so slightly, wishing she could do more, wishing her healing could ease the awful loss, but it can't. It can't and the woman he loves is gone, which cuts terribly close to home with Six being grey and makes her hurt for him as much for herself. She'd give so much if she could just get Charley back for him. But she knows that's not something she can do, no matter how much she wants it.
She gives him her strength and her arms and cries with him because she has nothing else.]
[It's a long while before he manages to get enough control over himself to even speak, and even then, his words are in no way calm, but jagged, sharp-edged, painful things that rip their way out of his throat.]
I can't...I can't take this anymore. Just when I think I've lost everything I could possibly lose...
[He nuzzles further into her neck, trembling just a bit, taking in her warmth like a man dying of thirst takes in a glass of water. He really didn't expect to need this. Or, more accurately, he hadn't wanted to need this. He wanted to just put up a wall and keep his suffering private.
That didn't work and he just found himself feeling terribly alone, with only himself to blame.]
I don't want to lose anymore. Why can't I keep anything? Why does everything that keeps me going fall apart?
[She rocks him gently, curled around him as much as physically possible, her fingers on the nape of his neck and down his back, letting her touch sooth him as much as she could. There were no answers to his questions and her cheeks were wet as she presses her lips wherever they fall.]
You're not alone. [Her voice is soft and dear gods, she isn't sure if she can even help. But she's not leaving him, she refuses, and her hands brush over him as if she could pull them pain from him and tuck it away into herself. Ril may be small, but she does her best to wrap herself around him and give him as much as she can.]
[Despite the size difference, he buries himself up against her like a child, shivering for a while longer before he settles at her touch and gulps down the last bits of his grief.
And strangely enough, a sudden, watery chuckle bubbles up from him and he gives Ril another big squeeze.]
I'm sorry. Here you are, coming to me for comfort and I begin blubbering myself.
[Eight lifts his head and untangles an arm so he can dry his face, giving her a weak smile.]
No. [Her voice is quietly fierce, her fingers curling against his hair as she shakes her head, scattering her own tears down her cheeks.] No. Don't you dare apologize to me.
[She kisses his temple gently, carefully.]
Blubber all you like, I'm not leaving. [Ril lets out a soft sigh and brushes at a missed tear clinging to his cheek.] And it's easier. It's easier to take care of other than to deal with yourself. I kn-- [Her voice dies as she presses her lips against his hairline. When she finds words again, they're nearly inaudible.] I know.
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He's still there, still on the list. We leave notes, messages, just in case. Always, even if they're half finished. Nothing. There's nothing and I can't. I can't sleep in that bed. I can't do it.
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[The daft man probably misplaced it somewhere. Well, that's better than having disappeared. Sort of. As long as they get the bracelet back to him in time.
His palm brushes over her back and he tries to sooth her with little shushing sounds as he holds her.]
We'll find him. There are too many of us for one of us not to come across him. Just get some sleep. I don't mind. This bed has been far too empty for too long anyway.
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[She lets out a breath and realizes he's right. Independent of her ability to sleep or her own worry, someone, if not Ril herself, would find Six. She functions so much better when someone is with her. The soothing works well enough and she settles, letting her own exhaustion and Eight's warmth pull her down.]
Don't mind staying. Is no good when there's too much space.
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[There's a twinge of pain at her words and he nods, fingers reaching up to thread gently through her hair. He clears his throat, using it to try to hide the catch in his voice.]
No...no good at all.
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Eight settles into his pillow for a while, but despite the presence of another person in his bed, he finds himself with the same raw, painful thoughts that plague him most every night, which he holds off until he's sure everyone has gone to bed and won't hear him.
The ache of feeling another body climbing into his bed and not waking up to Charley's smile had been pushed down for as long as he could hold it, and now in the silence that hangs heavily in the room leaves no distraction. He does his best to try to keep his crying quiet. She isn't coming back. She's gone forever, and he just has to get used to the idea. If only it would stop leaving him feeling hollow inside.]
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She doesn't ask and doesn't tell him it'll be fine because that's not the way it works. You don't just get over someone like Charley, you can't. You have to live with it, breathe with the ache of it, survive it every day. And she can't help trembling herself as she smooths a hand over his hair.]
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And so, he lets himself crumble completely, for the first time since he got back from Utgard, his arms wrapping completely around Ril, his face burying in the curve of her neck as he weeps brokenly.]
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She presses her lips wherever she can and rocks him ever so slightly, wishing she could do more, wishing her healing could ease the awful loss, but it can't. It can't and the woman he loves is gone, which cuts terribly close to home with Six being grey and makes her hurt for him as much for herself. She'd give so much if she could just get Charley back for him. But she knows that's not something she can do, no matter how much she wants it.
She gives him her strength and her arms and cries with him because she has nothing else.]
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I can't...I can't take this anymore. Just when I think I've lost everything I could possibly lose...
[He nuzzles further into her neck, trembling just a bit, taking in her warmth like a man dying of thirst takes in a glass of water. He really didn't expect to need this. Or, more accurately, he hadn't wanted to need this. He wanted to just put up a wall and keep his suffering private.
That didn't work and he just found himself feeling terribly alone, with only himself to blame.]
I don't want to lose anymore. Why can't I keep anything? Why does everything that keeps me going fall apart?
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You're not alone. [Her voice is soft and dear gods, she isn't sure if she can even help. But she's not leaving him, she refuses, and her hands brush over him as if she could pull them pain from him and tuck it away into herself. Ril may be small, but she does her best to wrap herself around him and give him as much as she can.]
In this moment, you're not alone.
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And strangely enough, a sudden, watery chuckle bubbles up from him and he gives Ril another big squeeze.]
I'm sorry. Here you are, coming to me for comfort and I begin blubbering myself.
[Eight lifts his head and untangles an arm so he can dry his face, giving her a weak smile.]
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[She kisses his temple gently, carefully.]
Blubber all you like, I'm not leaving. [Ril lets out a soft sigh and brushes at a missed tear clinging to his cheek.] And it's easier. It's easier to take care of other than to deal with yourself. I kn-- [Her voice dies as she presses her lips against his hairline. When she finds words again, they're nearly inaudible.] I know.
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I spent a long time not wanting anyone to take care of me. That I'd been enough of a burden. Still, if it makes you feel better...
[He gives her a tiny, teasing smile, brushing the pad of his thumb along her cheek to dry her tears.]
I'll stop being daft, then, just for you.