[He continues stroking her hair until she's fully resting, keeping her tucked against him, warm and safe.
Eight settles into his pillow for a while, but despite the presence of another person in his bed, he finds himself with the same raw, painful thoughts that plague him most every night, which he holds off until he's sure everyone has gone to bed and won't hear him.
The ache of feeling another body climbing into his bed and not waking up to Charley's smile had been pushed down for as long as he could hold it, and now in the silence that hangs heavily in the room leaves no distraction. He does his best to try to keep his crying quiet. She isn't coming back. She's gone forever, and he just has to get used to the idea. If only it would stop leaving him feeling hollow inside.]
[No matter how quiet he is, he can't keep her from hearing it. It creeps into an exhausted dream and Ril stirs, instantly curling herself around him, not at all awake. Her words are Antedan, soft, gentle things, as she buries herself against him, finally awake.
She doesn't ask and doesn't tell him it'll be fine because that's not the way it works. You don't just get over someone like Charley, you can't. You have to live with it, breathe with the ache of it, survive it every day. And she can't help trembling herself as she smooths a hand over his hair.]
[Without his TARDIS working like she's supposed to, he doesn't understand the words, but the meaning is crystal clear. He can't hide his tears; she's heard him by now and right now he can no more stop than he can convince the sun to rise right this very moment.
And so, he lets himself crumble completely, for the first time since he got back from Utgard, his arms wrapping completely around Ril, his face burying in the curve of her neck as he weeps brokenly.]
[She murmurs and then can't not cry with him. There's so little she can do except hold him and brush her fingers through his hair and not let him go. It doesn't matter right now if Six is grey, it doesn't matter that the shifting about has made her cold again, or that her hair has tangled around the back.
She presses her lips wherever she can and rocks him ever so slightly, wishing she could do more, wishing her healing could ease the awful loss, but it can't. It can't and the woman he loves is gone, which cuts terribly close to home with Six being grey and makes her hurt for him as much for herself. She'd give so much if she could just get Charley back for him. But she knows that's not something she can do, no matter how much she wants it.
She gives him her strength and her arms and cries with him because she has nothing else.]
[It's a long while before he manages to get enough control over himself to even speak, and even then, his words are in no way calm, but jagged, sharp-edged, painful things that rip their way out of his throat.]
I can't...I can't take this anymore. Just when I think I've lost everything I could possibly lose...
[He nuzzles further into her neck, trembling just a bit, taking in her warmth like a man dying of thirst takes in a glass of water. He really didn't expect to need this. Or, more accurately, he hadn't wanted to need this. He wanted to just put up a wall and keep his suffering private.
That didn't work and he just found himself feeling terribly alone, with only himself to blame.]
I don't want to lose anymore. Why can't I keep anything? Why does everything that keeps me going fall apart?
[She rocks him gently, curled around him as much as physically possible, her fingers on the nape of his neck and down his back, letting her touch sooth him as much as she could. There were no answers to his questions and her cheeks were wet as she presses her lips wherever they fall.]
You're not alone. [Her voice is soft and dear gods, she isn't sure if she can even help. But she's not leaving him, she refuses, and her hands brush over him as if she could pull them pain from him and tuck it away into herself. Ril may be small, but she does her best to wrap herself around him and give him as much as she can.]
[Despite the size difference, he buries himself up against her like a child, shivering for a while longer before he settles at her touch and gulps down the last bits of his grief.
And strangely enough, a sudden, watery chuckle bubbles up from him and he gives Ril another big squeeze.]
I'm sorry. Here you are, coming to me for comfort and I begin blubbering myself.
[Eight lifts his head and untangles an arm so he can dry his face, giving her a weak smile.]
No. [Her voice is quietly fierce, her fingers curling against his hair as she shakes her head, scattering her own tears down her cheeks.] No. Don't you dare apologize to me.
[She kisses his temple gently, carefully.]
Blubber all you like, I'm not leaving. [Ril lets out a soft sigh and brushes at a missed tear clinging to his cheek.] And it's easier. It's easier to take care of other than to deal with yourself. I kn-- [Her voice dies as she presses her lips against his hairline. When she finds words again, they're nearly inaudible.] I know.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Eight settles into his pillow for a while, but despite the presence of another person in his bed, he finds himself with the same raw, painful thoughts that plague him most every night, which he holds off until he's sure everyone has gone to bed and won't hear him.
The ache of feeling another body climbing into his bed and not waking up to Charley's smile had been pushed down for as long as he could hold it, and now in the silence that hangs heavily in the room leaves no distraction. He does his best to try to keep his crying quiet. She isn't coming back. She's gone forever, and he just has to get used to the idea. If only it would stop leaving him feeling hollow inside.]
no subject
She doesn't ask and doesn't tell him it'll be fine because that's not the way it works. You don't just get over someone like Charley, you can't. You have to live with it, breathe with the ache of it, survive it every day. And she can't help trembling herself as she smooths a hand over his hair.]
no subject
And so, he lets himself crumble completely, for the first time since he got back from Utgard, his arms wrapping completely around Ril, his face burying in the curve of her neck as he weeps brokenly.]
no subject
She presses her lips wherever she can and rocks him ever so slightly, wishing she could do more, wishing her healing could ease the awful loss, but it can't. It can't and the woman he loves is gone, which cuts terribly close to home with Six being grey and makes her hurt for him as much for herself. She'd give so much if she could just get Charley back for him. But she knows that's not something she can do, no matter how much she wants it.
She gives him her strength and her arms and cries with him because she has nothing else.]
no subject
I can't...I can't take this anymore. Just when I think I've lost everything I could possibly lose...
[He nuzzles further into her neck, trembling just a bit, taking in her warmth like a man dying of thirst takes in a glass of water. He really didn't expect to need this. Or, more accurately, he hadn't wanted to need this. He wanted to just put up a wall and keep his suffering private.
That didn't work and he just found himself feeling terribly alone, with only himself to blame.]
I don't want to lose anymore. Why can't I keep anything? Why does everything that keeps me going fall apart?
no subject
You're not alone. [Her voice is soft and dear gods, she isn't sure if she can even help. But she's not leaving him, she refuses, and her hands brush over him as if she could pull them pain from him and tuck it away into herself. Ril may be small, but she does her best to wrap herself around him and give him as much as she can.]
In this moment, you're not alone.
no subject
And strangely enough, a sudden, watery chuckle bubbles up from him and he gives Ril another big squeeze.]
I'm sorry. Here you are, coming to me for comfort and I begin blubbering myself.
[Eight lifts his head and untangles an arm so he can dry his face, giving her a weak smile.]
no subject
[She kisses his temple gently, carefully.]
Blubber all you like, I'm not leaving. [Ril lets out a soft sigh and brushes at a missed tear clinging to his cheek.] And it's easier. It's easier to take care of other than to deal with yourself. I kn-- [Her voice dies as she presses her lips against his hairline. When she finds words again, they're nearly inaudible.] I know.
no subject
I spent a long time not wanting anyone to take care of me. That I'd been enough of a burden. Still, if it makes you feel better...
[He gives her a tiny, teasing smile, brushing the pad of his thumb along her cheek to dry her tears.]
I'll stop being daft, then, just for you.