[Shortly after her talk about feelings and things with Jamie, Clara's still caught up in a near panic. Feelings are hard work for her, and she needs to talk to someone about this before she panics and does something stupid. She can't go to her Doctor yet, not after so recently speaking to him about this. She doesn't want him to look at her with that smile he gives her when he thinks she's being cute and painfully human, that patronizing one that makes her feel incredibly stupid. So she goes to Eight instead, and waits until he's alone at home to approach him with a tap on the shoulder.]
I need your help with something, Doctor.
[She just jumps right to business. No point in small talk, not when anxiety is clearly shown on her face.]
[He hadn't even heard her enter. No surprise there. So, when she taps him on the shoulder, his head snaps up in surprise, which melts away and gets replaced by a smile when he sees Clara.
And then, there's the anxiety on her face and his eyebrows go up.]
Of course, Clara. Come, sit down and tell me what's bothering you.
[She doesn't move to sit down. She does, however, take to pacing. She nervously runs her hands through her hair, working to push a slightly puffy clump of hair behind her ear. And once she feels as if she's not going to panic if she tells him, she turns about to face him and blurts out her problem.]
I tried telling Jamie I care for him. It didn't exactly go well.
[Eight tries to follow her movements with her eyes, but at this rate, she's just going to make him dizzy.
Finally, she does stop pacing, and tells him something that makes his eyebrows knit together.]
Jamie? He's...well, perhaps it would be best if you told me how it didn't go well. He doesn't strike me as the type that would try to embarrass you or anything.
I told him he had to quit the military because I didn't want him to die.
[Her eyebrows arch, and she seems to be silently saying see?]
I couldn't actually just say I care for him. I do, of course I do, but sometimes I think there might be two different levels of caring between the two of us. I don't ever want to hurt him, but I think I'm wired to fail at relationships.
I hate to tell you, but I'm not much better. When I first told Charley I love her, it was while shouting all sorts of horrible things at her because I was scared, in pain and...well, very confused about my feelings. Or about the consequences of my feelings.
[There's a little quirk at the corner of his mouth, and he shrugs.]
Still, I did tell her.
[He pauses for a long moment, watching her and trying to decide if this is a good question to ask. Ah, to hell with it. Might as well be straight forward. Humans seem to like that, even if they don't always act like it.]
[She admits softly, looking petrified by the idea of love.]
I know I care for him. But am I in love with him?
[Glancing up at him, she half expects him to answer for her. But she doesn't give him time to, and just keeps talking her way through things.]
How could I let myself fall in love with someone here, knowing that we won't get a chance to be together long term? We're only here to help with the war, Doctor. That doesn't leave much room for any sort of happily ever after. I don't even know what I want my fairytale ending to be, not yet.
[She pauses, feeling a little silly for even talking like that. She's a grown woman.]
But I think, if I had an ending like that in store, it'd involve him. He's a bit like a dashing prince.
[He opens his mouth to speak a couple of times, but Clara keeps going and he finally settles back and simply listens (or, well, partly reads her lips so he can make sure he gets it all), a little smile on his lips. When she finally comes up for air, he's chuckling as he responds.]
No wonder we get along so well. You're as much of a mess about this subject as I am. All of me, frankly.
[Then he pushes himself to his feet and rests his hands on her shoulders, trying to get her to stop pacing and just listen.]
Clara...trust me when I say you're over-complicating things. And trust me when I say love isn't something you can choose to feel or not feel. I tried that, and got myself in a bloody mess. Love just happens, whether it fits in your plans or not.
You're right. None of us are guaranteed a happily ever after here. Goodness knows a lot of us have found that out the hard way. Still, there's no way to change how you feel.
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Backdated to Day 501/502..ish
I need your help with something, Doctor.
[She just jumps right to business. No point in small talk, not when anxiety is clearly shown on her face.]
no subject
And then, there's the anxiety on her face and his eyebrows go up.]
Of course, Clara. Come, sit down and tell me what's bothering you.
no subject
I tried telling Jamie I care for him. It didn't exactly go well.
no subject
Finally, she does stop pacing, and tells him something that makes his eyebrows knit together.]
Jamie? He's...well, perhaps it would be best if you told me how it didn't go well. He doesn't strike me as the type that would try to embarrass you or anything.
no subject
[Her eyebrows arch, and she seems to be silently saying see?]
I couldn't actually just say I care for him. I do, of course I do, but sometimes I think there might be two different levels of caring between the two of us. I don't ever want to hurt him, but I think I'm wired to fail at relationships.
no subject
[There's a little quirk at the corner of his mouth, and he shrugs.]
Still, I did tell her.
[He pauses for a long moment, watching her and trying to decide if this is a good question to ask. Ah, to hell with it. Might as well be straight forward. Humans seem to like that, even if they don't always act like it.]
Do you love Jamie?
no subject
[She admits softly, looking petrified by the idea of love.]
I know I care for him. But am I in love with him?
[Glancing up at him, she half expects him to answer for her. But she doesn't give him time to, and just keeps talking her way through things.]
How could I let myself fall in love with someone here, knowing that we won't get a chance to be together long term? We're only here to help with the war, Doctor. That doesn't leave much room for any sort of happily ever after. I don't even know what I want my fairytale ending to be, not yet.
[She pauses, feeling a little silly for even talking like that. She's a grown woman.]
But I think, if I had an ending like that in store, it'd involve him. He's a bit like a dashing prince.
no subject
No wonder we get along so well. You're as much of a mess about this subject as I am. All of me, frankly.
[Then he pushes himself to his feet and rests his hands on her shoulders, trying to get her to stop pacing and just listen.]
Clara...trust me when I say you're over-complicating things. And trust me when I say love isn't something you can choose to feel or not feel. I tried that, and got myself in a bloody mess. Love just happens, whether it fits in your plans or not.
You're right. None of us are guaranteed a happily ever after here. Goodness knows a lot of us have found that out the hard way. Still, there's no way to change how you feel.