[His voice isn't angry, just desperate and frustrated.]
If I show that this hurts me -- and yes, I admit, it does...for now -- you start falling back into that shaky, cold illness you had some time ago. I don't want that, so I try to keep those feelings to myself, but you don't want me to do that, either.
Which should I pick? Making you upset with me, or making you ill?
[Then he falls silent, his eyes drifting closed for a moment before he turns his head to press a kiss into the palm of her hand and heave a very, very weary sigh.]
Yes, we should have discussed this earlier. Maybe I knew, in the back of my mind, but I didn't let myself think of it. I just let myself assume that someone...loved only me, after I'd lost...
[The words don't come. Won't find their way around the lump in his throat. Fingers went down to wrap around the little ring hanging by a chain around his neck.]
[Again, she is silent for a long while, still cold, and as weary as he.]
I don't know what you can do, but I am not upset with you. I am frustrated with myself for my-- For my inability to properly inform you of things you should have known because I am not the same species as you. I let you assume by being wrapped up in my own fears, my own grief. It is a grief that will take me, if I let it.
[Ril's fingers close around his knuckles and Charley's ring and her lips find his forehead as her eyes close.]
I disappoint you and I dishonor her. How do I fix this? What is it you wish me to do? After all, it is I who am in the wrong.
Mm. [She bushes her fingers against his lips gently.] I suppose I cannot be anything but what I am. Do-- [Ril is uncertain and is shows in the way she half pulls away from him.] Do you need space? I can-- [She waves helplessly, not sure if she ought leave him be or stay and they are both drained from this. This isn't something she can heal with her hands.]
Of course you can't. You wouldn't be who you are otherwise. And I love who you are.
[He reaches up and grips her hand in his, pressing kisses to her fingertips. His heart aches, yes, but somehow he can't bring himself to be apart from her.]
No. You don't need to go. I...I'm not sure what I want exactly, but I know I don't want you to go away.
I don't want to go, either. [But it's still awkward and she hates that strangeness, the odd foreign element of it that hits her in the gut. She'll never understand it, she knows that. But she loves him and that's not something that can be undone.] Today, then, tonight [her eyes search his face] where and what do you wish me?
[He wishes he could take it all away. He wishes he could just be happy. And maybe he will, in time. For now, it stings. He can't help it. It just does, and nobody will be able to convince him that he doesn't somehow deserves this.
Eight swallows and his fingers squeeze hers gently.]
The only way I leave you is if you tell me to go. [Leaning into him, she can't help but bury herself against him, her lips against his jawline.] I do not like leaving you alone.
I am selfish, too. I know I am. [Her fingertips touch the corners of his lips gently, carefully. She's quiet for a moment and then moves until she's facing him, straddling his lap, her hands cradling his face as she stares into his eyes for a long moment. And then she laughs.]
You're as bad as I am about that, Doctor. [Ril drops a kiss against his lips.] I think 'sometimes' in that sentence must mean something entirely different. [Her words are a soft tease.]
[Still, feelings churn around inside him, but he pushes it all down. What good would it do? His bruised ego is not enough of an ache to cause her such pain.
He forces another smile and rests his forehead against hers.]
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[His voice isn't angry, just desperate and frustrated.]
If I show that this hurts me -- and yes, I admit, it does...for now -- you start falling back into that shaky, cold illness you had some time ago. I don't want that, so I try to keep those feelings to myself, but you don't want me to do that, either.
Which should I pick? Making you upset with me, or making you ill?
[Then he falls silent, his eyes drifting closed for a moment before he turns his head to press a kiss into the palm of her hand and heave a very, very weary sigh.]
Yes, we should have discussed this earlier. Maybe I knew, in the back of my mind, but I didn't let myself think of it. I just let myself assume that someone...loved only me, after I'd lost...
[The words don't come. Won't find their way around the lump in his throat. Fingers went down to wrap around the little ring hanging by a chain around his neck.]
But...now what? What comes now? What do I do?
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[Again, she is silent for a long while, still cold, and as weary as he.]
I don't know what you can do, but I am not upset with you. I am frustrated with myself for my-- For my inability to properly inform you of things you should have known because I am not the same species as you. I let you assume by being wrapped up in my own fears, my own grief. It is a grief that will take me, if I let it.
[Ril's fingers close around his knuckles and Charley's ring and her lips find his forehead as her eyes close.]
I disappoint you and I dishonor her. How do I fix this? What is it you wish me to do? After all, it is I who am in the wrong.
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[There's a little smile again, but it's less forced and more just tired.]
As always, time will heal all wounds. You've done all you could do by telling me now.
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[He reaches up and grips her hand in his, pressing kisses to her fingertips. His heart aches, yes, but somehow he can't bring himself to be apart from her.]
No. You don't need to go. I...I'm not sure what I want exactly, but I know I don't want you to go away.
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[Her eyes close and she swallows.]
I am yours, Doctor, that will never change.
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Eight swallows and his fingers squeeze hers gently.]
Just...don't leave. Stay with me tonight.
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I've had centuries alone, Ril.
[He relaxes a bit and chuckles.]
And you're going to have to leave me alone sometime, if I'm to share my time with you.
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I know, I know. But I don't like leaving you alone, all the same. I worry.
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[There's a little shrug and a self-deprecating smile.]
But I can be selfish sometimes.
No need to worry about me. Even I can stay out of trouble...sometimes.
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You're as bad as I am about that, Doctor. [Ril drops a kiss against his lips.] I think 'sometimes' in that sentence must mean something entirely different. [Her words are a soft tease.]
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Yes, you're probably right.
[Still, feelings churn around inside him, but he pushes it all down. What good would it do? His bruised ego is not enough of an ache to cause her such pain.
He forces another smile and rests his forehead against hers.]
Never forget I love you, will you?
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[And there's a bright pause.]
Often and for a long, long time.
[Her fingertips stroke his cheeks gently.]
Very often.